I’m possibly late to the party, but I still had to post about this because it is too awesome not to. So, this was a real television pilot proposed in 1999 and turned down by Fox (another reason other than the cancellation of Firefly to hate Fox).<\/p>\n
Just look at this description:<\/p>\n
\nThe on-the-run adventures of astronaut\u00a0Jack Black who gets superpowers after a space accident, and fights crime with the talking motorcycle named Heatvision\u00a0(voiced by Owen Wilson), powered by the mind of his unemployed roommate.streaming movie Transformers: The Last Knight 2017<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Tell me that was not written by the gods of comedy themselves.<\/p>\n
Just read these character descriptions (via wikipedia<\/a>):<\/p>\n
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- Jack Austin, a former\u00a0astronaut<\/a>. He was exposed to inappropriate levels of\u00a0solar energy<\/a>, giving him\u00a0superintelligence<\/a>. He appears to lose this intelligence at night, requiring only Earth-normal levels of daylight to reactivate it. His catchphrases are “I know EVERYTHING!” and “Knowledge is power…\u00a0for real<\/i>.” Played by Jack Black.<\/li>\n
- Heat Vision, a talking\u00a0motorcycle<\/a>. He was created when Jack’s unemployed roommate Doug was shot by a ray, causing him to merge with his motorcycle. He is capable of speech and can fight by ramming into opponents. He is unable to use doorknobs and is unable to right himself if pushed over. Voiced by\u00a0Owen Wilson<\/a>.<\/li>\n
- Ron Silver<\/a>, the main villain. He works for\u00a0NASA<\/a>, and will stop at nothing to capture or kill Jack Austin, but he also dabbles in acting, perhaps as a diversion, perhaps as a cover. He appears to be invulnerable, shrugging off the threat of being shot and later displaying great annoyance but no injury or pain when he actually\u00a0is<\/b>\u00a0shot. Played by himself.<\/li>\n
- An unnamed sheriff, played by guest star\u00a0Christine Taylor<\/a>. Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor, now husband and wife, met on the set ofHeat Vision and Jack<\/i>.<\/li>\n
- A cook named Frank, who becomes possessed by an alien broadcast and thereafter calls himself Paragon. Played by\u00a0Vincent Schiavelli<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Lucky for us that although this gem never saw the light of day, the pilot survives thanks to the Internet. Tell me you wouldn’t have watched the crap out of this. I dare you.
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